Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Reasons I am not cool.

Here is a list of reasons why I am uncool.

1.  I am almost 34 and I still listen to Triple J. I used to think this was actually cool, but now I realize it is  lame. Mainly because I was talking to my Dad on the Australia Day holiday about how I liked all the songs in the top 10 of the Hottest 100, and then we had this conversation;

Me: Hey, so Dad, when you go into school tomorrow you can say to all the kids "So what did you think of the Hottest 100, hey?". You can say to them "I thought Daft Punk would be higher up!". They will think you are so cool!

Dad, witheringly: Yeah, and they will say "What!? Your 30 year old daughter listens to Triple J! Ugh! That is pathetic!"

Me: [Silence]

It's forced me to take a good hard look at myself I can tell you.

2.  The other night when I met up with Glamorous Blogging Types Mother Down Under, Housewife in Heels, Faux Fuchsia and Styling You, they were all gussied up in their nice going out clothes. I was wearing my crumpled work outfit and day-old makeup.  Also, while they weren't eating and instead sipped champagne delicately, I ordered a pizza and proceeded to eat THE WHOLE THING in front of them.  At the time, I thought "What's wrong with that hey? I mean, I am HUNGRY!". It was only afterwards I thought perhaps I should have made a different decision. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have brought shame to my family.

3.  I never have cash in my purse and always have to borrow money off my colleagues at work. Like, ALWAYS. I owe money all about town. SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!

4.  I'm a public servant.

5. I'm also a librarian.

6.  I like the cut of Alan Kohler's jib. He's a man who can make finance SEX-AY!

7.  I like reading fantasy novels.

8.  I sometimes wear those flesh coloured little granny stocking sockette thingoes when I wear shoes like ballet flats, and they stick up out the sides and you can see them. NOT COOL MAN.

9.  I've never lived overseas. In fact I have only actually lived in Queensland.

10.  I never "Keep Calm and Carry On". In fact, I prefer to "Lose my Cool and Chuck a Nana".

11.  I wear flesh coloured, waist-high underpants.

There you have it.

Are you cool? Yes? No? Why? Give me your reasons, do.

27 comments:

  1. To be honest a really "cool" 30+ is actually cringeworthy???way too weird when a friend tries to explain why "x" is really underground and I think it sounds like the Beatles...

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  2. I am not cool. If I write all of the reasons here, Google will think that I am spam and not let me post this comment. x

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  3. Definitely not cool and never have been, I'm okay with it I swear.

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    Replies
    1. Me too. Look, being uncool is the new cool!!

      Delete
  4. I believe no pain, suffering or discomfort cannot be made better by whinging or moaning, loudly,very loudly, about it. Often. At length. To all who may or may not be slightly interested. If I am moaning, and a work colleague glances towards me, I will repeat my complaints to him/her. And share my pain.

    None of this makes you uncool. So you can cut number 10 from your list.

    But the ballet flt socketts. Mmmm. One question. Did you see any peeping out of the shoes of the glamorous quartet you had drinks with (and pizza alone)?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like whinging too! Hello, my blog subtitle is "Where I vent my spleen!". It's HEALTHY! Also, no. No I did not see the sockettes on the glam bloggers. There's something in that for everybody.

      Delete
  5. I don't think there is cool after 30. I think there is being you. Being cool after 30 (the old version of it, anyway) is embarrassing (who am I kidding, HILARIOUS!) for all to witness. What is cool anyway? And what is hot? And. Why are we even born at all?????

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    Replies
    1. These are all EXCELLENT questions! And I endorse your statement regarding coolness after 30.

      Delete
  6. Oh my goodness you crack me up every time. I love how you are just you. Bless your heart. X

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  7. Are you saying Librarians aren't cool?! How very dare you! I pretended to be one for a while, I couldn't even be a real one so that makes me beyond uncool. That and I listen to The Carpenters with no ironic distance. So, at the very least you are definitely way cooler than this Carpenters loving tragic bogan. You feel so much better now, right?

    PS. I bet all those bloggers were totally jealous of you scoffing that delicious pizza...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Carpenters! HAHA! Love your work my friend. I had temporarily forgotten your love for those melodious siblings.

      Delete
  8. I am not cool either!
    I have frizzy hair…that alone prevents me from joining the cool club.
    And I think you are cool…you have definite interests, you know what is going on in the world and you can talk about something other than potty training and Thermomixing.
    [Silence]
    Oh god. I need to go and watch the news!

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    Replies
    1. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT POTTY TRAINING AND THERMOMIXES!

      Delete
  9. You make me laugh! You are too cool. I was drooling over your pizza all night. Would have ordered one (and eaten it ALL) if I weren't on this crazy milkshake diet! x

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  10. I don't know why but I have the urge to buy you some pants ... I'm not cool (but you knew that) - I am something though, just haven't worked out quite what that is yet ...

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  11. I reckon you're very cool, as it's obviously from the cool bloggers you had diner with! and I would have probably ordered 2 pizzas, and I know I would have looked WAY worse than you. Doesn't everyone have beige sucky in high underpants? xxx

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  12. No Im a real dag ! remember that word..??

    Im am cool, I am cool ..now repeat till you , yes you Sarah are drunk with the power of cool

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DAG! Excellent, fantastically underused word. LOVE IT.

      Delete
  13. I would much rather be not so cool at 32 than thinking I was cool 21... for upon reflection, I was merely wishing I was cool, so no one would notice how awkward I was.

    Now however I am much more willing to go with the awkward, hoping that no one confuses it with quirky and assumes that I am trying to be cool, or worse, hipster.

    What I want to try and do, is bring my comment back to you in some way... but everything I type is so lame, so I might leave this here.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You really aren't, huh? I mean, the pizza thing is completely cool - it's cool to eat when you're huntry, no? And there's nothing even remotely wrong about sensible, comfortable, invisible underwear, as long as you keep it under wraps. Those stockings, though... and Alan Koher... and... well, who the hell wants to be cool in their 30s anyway. That would make you a darn hipster. x

    ReplyDelete

Vent your spleen! You know you want to.

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